just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
