You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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