Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
