How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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