Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
