I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
