i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
