when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
