Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
