WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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