We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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