Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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