My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
