i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
