He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
