btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
