I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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