Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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