If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
