my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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