If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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