The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
