My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
