he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
