and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
