Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need a hoe opinion
go on
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
