you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
