oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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