Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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