no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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