I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
