I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
