Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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