allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
