Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
