I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
