He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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