Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
