Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
