there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
