I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
