these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
