if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
