he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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