he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
