it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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