she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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