I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
