KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
