You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
